OK folks! I’m fully vaccinated and back in the movie houses. And what better way to start my renewed life than with a view and a review of the horrendously ridiculous Godzilla vs. Kong. When the first of the Legendary’s MonsterVerse Godzilla reboots came out in 2014, I wrote that the film Godzilla (clever title) was a paradox—a simultaneously terrible and wonderful film and the worst film I might ever recommend you pay to see. Leap forward to this fourth installment of the MonsterVerse, Godzilla vs. Kong: the creators of the reboot have had nigh on a decade to alter or evolve the course of large-lizard films, and yet… their direction remains the same—Godzilla vs. Kong, like the first three MonsterVerse flicks, is an imbecilic, nonsensical, glorious ride… which is just how it should be... or must be.
Who would dare tamper with the Godzilla movie series mojo anyway? Is it even possible to take a more serious and sensible stab at it and what would be the point? Would anybody really be enriched by a probing essay on the depths of Godzilla’s psyche? Would any of us be better people if we heard anything close to a physically feasible explanation for the modern-day existence of a 200-story-tall ape living on an uncharted island and a giant, chubby reptile with pine trees growing on its back? Of course we wouldn’t, so why put forth the effort to do such things. Better, as the film's creators (Adam Wingard directed from a screenplay by Eric Pearson and Max Borenstein) reckoned, to plow your imagination and resources into the majesty and hilarity of the massive-monster throw down. And plow they did—Godzilla vs Kong has monster mayhem in spades including monster on monster fisticuffs (Kong has a great right cross). Their battles are spectacular and spell-binding events. They continue to be staged in the most massive of cityscapes to maximize destruction amid the punches, laser blasts, and tail tosses. And adding to this joy is the constant tease of possibly getting the answer to the question we’ve been asking ourselves all of our lives… what if Godzilla fought King Kong, who would win?
Between the magnificent skirmishes, we are pummeled with stupidity of course—hollow earth monster origins theories, monster-skull DNA-driven titan robots, monster-to-monster ESP, and so on. These fantasies are explained by the scientists in Kong’s corner, by a band of conspiracy theorist on Team Godzilla, and, of course, by evil people looking to exploit the monsters for their greedy objectives. These groups are satisfyingly outrageous, but the unforced error that Godzilla vs. Kong commits is that they, or the things they say, are not clever enough. Outrageousness is always better when it is delivered with humor… something that Godzilla vs Kong has very little of. Not that it doesn’t try. Comic relief is intended to come from Team Godzilla led by Millie Bobby Brown (Eleven from Stranger Things) returning to the scene from Godzilla, King of the Monsters. But Millie and her posse of nerds whiff repeatedly in their attempts at humor as they search for the reason for Godzilla’s sudden reappearance and why the big toad is in such a bad mood. Stupid movies can still be witty; and wit can be bought… so please go hire the Guardians of the Galaxy writers for Godzilla 5 and make us all a little happier.
Although the trifecta of stunning, asinine, and funny is not achieved in Godzilla vs Kong, the film is still a good time. And now that we’re all feeling more confident about our immune systems, I strongly recommend springing for tickets to see these monsters duke it out on the big screen (the film is also streaming on HBOMax). Godzilla vs Kong gets a 6 out of 10. It’s really the highest rating that any Godzilla movies past, present, or future can get… and it’s still good enough.
